Most Hated Songs #3: "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin

Don't even start with me. Just don't.

Winning the bronze medal in the Kill Me Right Now category of my most-hated songs is #3, "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin. Now, just stop typing. I don't need to hear one more time about how great they are as a band. Yes, they are great. Hall of Fame Pantheon caliber, in the same breath with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. I get it. I don't need to hear about it one more time.

Just because they're great doesn't mean I can't still hate this song.

Despite all the social acceptability that weed has gained in the past decade, one fact remains: stoners are freaking annoying as hell. They just sit around with their eyes half open, laughing at nothing at all, responding to any and all questions with, "What?" I partied hard in high school, and if you wanted to drink, you hung out with stoners, because booze and weed always went together.

So I was at a party at some stoner's house, and evidently either he or one of his minions had exclusive control of the tape deck, and it was side one of Led Zeppelin 4...FOR FOUR FREAKING HOURS!!! If you're keeping track, it goes like this: 1) Black Dog; 2) Rock and Roll; 3) The Battle of Evermore; 4) Stairway to Heaven. Over. And over. And over...and over again... "Rock and Roll" is at least tolerable; I honestly don't remember a single note of "Evermore," and unlike most people who are sick of "Stairway to Heaven," I don't mind it as long as I only hear it about once a year.

But "Black Dog"...I hate Robert Plant's whiny acapella shrieking of every verse, followed by that pot-hazed guitar/bass riff that follows in some weird time signature that only makes sense if you're high AF. There's not one thing about this song that I don't hate. And again, let me make it clear...this is NOT an invitation for you to correct my misunderstanding of the genius of LZ. I hate this song, I never, ever, ever want to hear even one note of it played ever again, and no one I know has enough cash to pay me to even consider changing my mind.

I'd rather...listen to Mike Tucker's dissertation about Led Zep's greatness for a million years as long as it means I never have to listen to "Black Dog" again.

Dante's Inferno Level Nine: Nickelback's opening band

Listen instead to: the one LZ song I actually like, "Immigrant Song," although I owe this more to the movies "School of Rock" and "Thor: Ragnorok" than the song itself.