Most Hated Songs #13: "Work" by Rihanna

Continuing with the category Weasel Goes the Pop, we come to #13 on my list of most hated songs: "Work" by Rihanna. I don't think Rihanna is really all that spectacular, but she seems to be doing well for herself. I've accepted long ago that pop music has passed me by for a new generation, but music is music and should follow some basic patterns. One of those rules that should be followed is that you don't repeat the same word 47 million times in the lyrics of a song.

That's basically the whole thing here; Rihanna "sings" the word "work" over and over again. It's boring and dumb. Plus, she really nails this thing with music today where the vocalists refuse to enunciate the sounds of words. Consonants are mush-mouth mumbled so that the lines sound like one big vowel movement. I can't understand a bloody word this woman is saying.

To make matters worse, this song features another rapper called "Drake" (no one in music has a last name anymore, I suppose), whose ouvre also consists of speaking lyrics in a style that calls for the "singer" to move his jaw, lips, and tongue as little as possible. Seriously, guys, go listen to Frank Sinatra or Johnny Mathis or Barry Manilow and learn how the English language is supposed to sound when it's sung as lyrics. Enunciate your words, for God's sake!

I considered an equally repetitive and hated song of hers, "Umbrella," which suffers from similar badness, but this one is more annoying by order of magnitude. The song also suffers from what I hate most about modern pop music—a complete lack of musical instruments. Like so many songs, it's just her singing over a computerized beat. As I keep telling my youngest daughter, a computer is not a musical instrument. Music is made by people playing instruments that they know how to play. Mumbling over Preset Beat #3 doesn't make you good or interesting. However, it does, evidently, make some people millionaires.

I'd rather...work work work work work work work work work work work work outside in the southeast Missouri summer heat and humidity until the sun explodes than listen to this wretched song.

Dante's Inferno Level Four: Everyone involved with this song is forced to perform live with real musical instruments they don't know how to play. The audience is armed with projectiles to hurl at them when they screw up. After about a million years of this, they might end up with a decent band.

Listen instead to: what happens when Rihanna enunciates her words with the help of a real band playing instruments..."Love on the Brain." See, that wasn't so hard, was it?