Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Most Hated Songs #11: "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex

At the top of the Weasel Goes the Pop category is this insanity-producing tune from the bowels of the satanic inferno, "Cotton Eye Joe" by the aptly named group Rednex. This bit of musical terrorism has everything that anyone could hate about a wretched song.

First, it has moronic lyrics chanted incessantly in a nasal hillbilly drawl that makes me think General Sherman didn't get quite tough enough on the South back in the day. Second, it has a variety of bluegrass instruments played at warp speed as if a group of rural meth-heads decided to start a band. Third, it's a virulent earworm that will not leave your brain until you've sacrificed about a million functioning neurons.

Finally, for some bizarro-world reason that I cannot comprehend, this song is played constantly at a wide variety of public events, most recently professional sporting events. I heard it a few weeks ago at a minor league baseball game and started to pray that I would get hit in the head with a foul ball to put me out of my misery.

I cannot understand why anyone would like this song. It's so terrible it makes me doubt the future of the human race that people choose to listen to it. The next ten songs I hate worse than this one, although at this moment, that hardly seems possible. I want this song erased from existence.

I'd rather...teach creation "science" at an evangelical parochial school in the Deep South than have to ever hear this song again.

Dante's Inferno Level Five: Repeatedly beaten to death with a banjo, revived, then beaten to death with a fiddle, revived, beaten to death with a washboard, revived, etc.

Listen instead to: If you have to have a catchy country tune, "No News" by Lonestar is one of the best of its kind available.

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