Ten Great Valentine Movies #6—"Roxanne"

What It's About:
A modern retelling of the literary classic Cyrano d'Bergerac, Roxanne features Steve Martin as C.D. Bales, the chief of an inept volunteer fire department in a Colorado ski resort town. He encounters Roxanne, played by Daryl Hannah at her most luminous, a grad student in astronomy who steals his heart at first sight. C.D., however, suffers from an unusually large and long nose, so he's hesitant to ask her out. His hesitation opens the door for Chris (Rick Rossovich), a gorgeous firefighter who's dumber than a fire hydrant. Just as in the novel, C.D. speaks his own words of love to Roxanne, but he gives the credit to Chris out of friendship, even as his heart burns for his true love.

Why It's Worth Watching:
It's Steve Martin at his very best—wry, clever, charming, understated, an oh-so-romantic. All the supporting performances are quirky and funny, as are the actors who fill the roles, such as Shelly Duvall, Fred Willard, Michael J. Pollard, and many other familiar faces. The scene in the bar where a drunk lazily insults C.D. with "big nose" prompts him to come up with 20 "something better" insults. Count them yourself...it's 26 in reality, and they're all laugh out loud hilarious.

What's in it for Her:
Chris is certainly firefighter pinup calendar handsome and hunky, but women will also relate to the idea that looks can only go so far. What really resonates in romantic terms is a true and open heart with the capability to express love and infatuation and lust in such honest, straightforward, and brilliant words. Speaking as a man who married way out of his league in the looks department, what makes a woman feel true love is more about how we make her feel rather than how we look—a fact I'm always grateful for!

What's in it for Him:
Roxanne is a truly funny movie from beginning to end. I don't know many people who aren't Steve Martin fans, and this is a comic showcase for his talents from beginning to end. It's the kind of dry comedy that made me lukewarm on his stand-up act when I was too young to understand how witty his jokes are. One of my favorites is when C.D. informs Roxanne that they gave up on irony in the ski town as a result of people skiing naked while high on weed...he was the only one who used it, and no one else understood him. That's comic gold right there!

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Ten Great Valentine Movies #7—"Starman"

What It's About:
The U.S. military shoots down a UFO; the alien, who looks like a blue Will-o-th'-Wisp, finds its way into the home of Jenny Hayden (Karen Allen), a young widow still deeply mourning her recently deceased husband, who looks an awful lot like Jeff Bridges. The alien finds a piece of the husband's hair, and using his DNA, creates an identical human body. Jenny, terrified at the appearance of her dead husband, tries to escape, but the alien kidnaps her, ordering her to drive him to Meteor Crater in Arizona, where he has arranged an evacuation by his species. Starman reassures Jenny that he means her no harm, and a tense truce moves into friendship and eventually, love. They race to stay ahead of the vicious government forces that are determined to capture, kill, and dissect the alien, adding action and suspense to their cosmic relationship.

Why It's Worth Watching:
Starman is exactly the kind of alien that humans would want to encounter: intelligent and powerful, yet civilized, curious, and compassionate. What makes Starman so appealing in his affable Jeff Bridges appearance is how he exhibits all the best qualities of exceptional human beings. Of course, the government cares nothing of this and is only interested in capturing and studying him. Part of me wonders if aliens have our planet quarantined due to our primitive savagery. The main attraction, however, is the relationship between Starman and Jenny, who cannot help but see her late husband in the alien. He is not Scott Hayden, however, so the natural feelings that anyone would still have for a deceased spouse deepen into something more profound as she falls in love with the kind alien soul within the shell of the human. This movie, directed with a deft and subtle hand by horror genre genius John Carpenter (who knew he could do deft and subtle before this?), shows us both the best and the worst qualities of our species as well as showing how love transcends death and the cosmos alike.

What's in it for Her:
The romance comes slowly, after a period of terror and confusion, and she'll likely identify with Jenny's situation. The dream of regaining a lost love is a powerful idea throughout the history of human storytelling (see "Orpheus & Eurydice"), and the dream is brought to life here. She will also appreciate the compassion of the Starman, particularly the scene where he brings a deer back to life from the hood of a hunter's car. Motherhood is another strong appeal for many women, and the revelation at the end of the film that Jenny is pregnant (Jenny and Scott couldn't have kids, but Starman heals her infertility) is a moment filled with joy and promise.

What's in it for Him:
The movie is an action/adventure film as well as a romance. As Jenny and Starman are pursued by government agents, led by character actor Richard Jaeckel, who plays "vicious bureaucrat" like he was part of the Nixon Adminstration, and opposed by scientist Charles Martin Smith, who chooses to help Starman escape back into the galaxy. The other quality men will find appealing is Jeff Bridges himself, who plays Starman as an affable goofball, a smarter and less-stoned early version of Jeff Lebowski, only with alien super-powers (now wouldn't THAT be a remarkable movie?!). There's more than enough action and humor to keep the most anti-romantic men interested right to the end.

Ten Great Valentine Movies #8—"Almost Famous"

What It's About:
Cameron Crowe's semi-autobiographical film about his young beginnings as a rock music journalist and critic is a love letter to the joy that musical fandom brings to its devotees as well as a funny and touching look into the insane lifestyle of a traveling band. William, a high school prodigy, loves music and writes stories on spec for Creem magazine. He talks his way backstage for a Black Sabbath concert but gets pulled into the orbit of their opening act, and up-and-coming band called Stillwater. William attracts the attention of Rolling Stone magazine, who pays him to go on the road with Stillwater, where his eyes are opened to the sad truth that musicians are as messed-up, problematic, and fallible as the rest of us. Along the way, he falls in love with groupie Penny Lane, the leader of the "Band Aides," a group of women who accompany the band across the country.

Why It's Worth Watching:
Crowe is at his best as a director in this film because the subject is so personal to him and his own experience, and the love shows in every scene. Patrick Fugit (William Miller), acting at 15 years old, brings a warmth and charm to the lead role. Outstanding supporting performances from Billy Crudup (Russell Hammond), Jason Lee (Jeff Bebe), Philip Seymour Hoffman (Lester Bangs), Frances McDormand (Elaine Miller), Zooey Deschanel (Anita Miller), and Kate Hudson (Penny Lane) make Almost Famous not only a sure-fire must-see Valentine's movie but also a modern classic that appeals to both music lovers and romantics-at-heart alike.

What's in it for Her:
It helps if she's a music fan, but if she is, the appeal of the band, especially lead singer Jason Lee and lead guitarist Billy Crudup is likely to stir up a few groupie fantasies (or might it be memories, hmmm?) of her own. The love triangle between Fugit, Hudson, and Crudup is complicated in the real-life sense that these things always are, and the genuineness of William's affection for Penny is at the heart of the romantic hook of this movie.

What's in it for Him:
Any guy who's ever picked up a guitar, a microphone, or a pair of drumsticks has likely dreamed about playing music live in front of an audience. A few of us have found the opportunity to do so. Even fewer have reached the heights depicted in this film, but the vicarious fantasy—which is what William experiences on the road with the band—is a major part of the film's appeal. In addition, any guy who's ever had a crush on a woman who's been a close friend but not quite a romantic reality will also identify with the dynamics of the movie's characters.

Why I Love this Movie:
Every time I watch this movie, I think about how awesome it would have been at age 18 to, instead of having gone to college, been part of a band traveling the country trying to make stars of ourselves. Then reality sets in, and I remember who I was at 18 (and 20, and 22), and I realize that had this happened, I most likely would have been the drummer found dead in the hotel room having choked on his own vomit. Sometimes God blesses us by not making our dreams come true.

Ten Great Valentine Movies #9—"Heaven Can Wait"

What It's About:
A remake of the 1941 classic black-and-white comedy Here Comes Mr. Jordan, this 1978 update features a wryly funny script by star Warren Beatty and writer Elaine May, adept and clever direction by Beatty and co-star Buck Henry, and a superb cast of comic and dramatic actors working in perfect rhythm. Beatty plays Joe Pendleton, an NFL quarterback with the LA Rams (before their move to and from St. Louis, so don't hold that against this movie!) who is taken from his body seconds before an accident would NOT have killed him. His body is cremated, so he is placed in the body of billionaire scumbag Leo Farnsworth, the target of an imminent murder at the hands of his wife (boozy, brilliant Dyan Cannon) and executive secretary (Charles Grodin, dryer than the driest martini and stealing every scene with his deadpan delivery).

Joe sets about getting Farnsworth's body in shape for an NFL tryout with the Rams (he purchases the team to make this happen, which still makes him orders of magnitude better as an owner than the current proprietor, ex-Missouri reptile P.Enos Kroenke), and in the process, uses his everyman common sense to try to do good with his company instead of maximize profits. His board and investors hate him, of course, but he does win the love of the radiant Julie Christie (Beatty's girlfriend at the time), an environmental activist. Can their love endure the test of multiple deaths and spiritual transfers? Is this a Valentine's movie?

Why It's Worth Watching:
One of the funniest movies ever made, each actor is at their zenith in terms of performance, humor, and personal appeal. Beatty has never been more handsome or charming; you really love Joe, and you want to see him achieve his dream of playing in the Super Bowl. The supporting cast is just as memorable, including James Mason as a heavenly administrator trying to make things correct and Jack Warden as Max Corkle, Joe's trainer and the only other human who knows that Leo is really Joe. Watching Dyan Cannon and Charles Grodin plan Farnsworth's murder is funnier than seeing Wile E. Coyote's plans to catch the Road Runner fall apart each time. The romance between Beatty and Christie is sweet and subtle, and you're rooting for them to be together as much as anything else that happens. This film carries with it a daffy sense of madcap, screwball comedy, but it's played straight and serious, and this juxtaposition is what makes Heaven Can Wait a masterpiece of humor and romance.

What's in it for Her:
Warren Beatty at the height of his looks, charm, and appeal; a romance based on the experience of someone exceeding your expectations and caring more for you than he does for himself; the hope that in spite of death or heavenly bureaucratic misadventure, love really does conquer all; HGTV levels of California mansion luxury for her to add to her Pinterest wish list.

What's in it for Him:
About a thousand laughs; an NFL plotline that entertains even though it stretches the limits of plausibility as much as an NFL officiating crew; entertaining the idea of taking over another man's identity (an extremely wealthy man) and the things you could do with it; the appeal of Julie Christie as Joe's paramour; the idea that even death cannot stop you from achieving your dreams and finding true love.

Ten Great Valentine Movies #10—"Dirty Dancing"

Calm down. Hear me out...

What it's about:
A teenage girl, on summer vacation in the early sixties in the Catskill Mountains, falls in love with an older dance instructor. She's Jewish and not quite cute enough to be considered pretty; her older sister gets most of her parents' praise and attention, while she is overprotected and discouraged from growing up and becoming her own person. He's working class, so he's obviously not good enough to be with a doctor's daughter. Plus, he's got a reputation for being a little too friendly with his middle-aged female dance clients. They overcome the disapproval of both their social groups, fall in love with each other, and get to bring down the house with the final dance of the year.

Why it's worth watching:
It's a story about two underdogs falling in love with each other. Both of the main characters, Baby (Jennifer Grey) and Johnny (Patrick Swayze) have to overcome not only the disapproval of the other side (her father, his friends) but also the pressure and expectations of who they are. She's supposed to marry higher than her social class, while he is expected to know his place and stay there. All they want to do is to be who they are, but peer pressure and societal expectations work against them every step of the way. It's a good social message, especially set in the early sixties, on the cusp of the civil rights and women's rights movements. It's got a great soundtrack filled with classic pop hits from the fifties and sixties, and the dancing is top-notch throughout.

What's in it for her?
Patrick Swayze dancing with his shirt off, for starters, but that's just the whipped cream on top. This is the realization of every young girl's romantic fantasy, that she'll go off for vacation with her family and fall in love with a good guy with a bit of a bad streak (reputation bad, not cooking meth bad) who will encourage her to do all the things she really wants to do (but her father won't let her), all the while sweeping her off her feet on the dance floor. It's Cinderella meets Romeo and Juliet in real life. I've never met a woman who didn't love this movie. Getting to watch this on Valentine's Day would be a wonderful gift for her.

What's in it for him?
Dude, did you read the previous paragraph? Choosing to watch this movie with her is the cinematic/romantic equivalent of two dozen red roses and a box of Godiva chocolates. She will think you hung the moon for her if watching this film is your idea. Plus, let's be honest about this...you know you've forced her to watch all the Star Wars (or Star Trek, or Avengers, or Monty Python) movies in your collection—you OWE her this one. Give it a try, at least. The movie is easy to watch compared to most other "chick flicks," and the rewards will be worth the effort.

Ten Great Movies to Watch with Your Valentine

I have a long history of ambiguity when it comes to Valentine's Day. My dating history looks a lot like a garden grown in the Mojave Desert; I went through my entire undergraduate career in college without even one date. Killer GPA notwithstanding, in those years, I chose to affect the Johnny Cash look each year on February 14. Solitude was my valentine.

But time has a way of changing the most hopeless of outlooks, and a maturity brought about by sobriety led me to meet my wife and start a family, and the years were filled with many happy Valentine's Days. A couple that stand out: Amy preparing dinner and having one of my favorite romantic movies cued up on the VCR (yes, it was many years back); the year I took Amy on a driving/selfie tour through all the "firsts" from our relationship (first meeting, first dance, first date, etc.).

This year's Valentine's Day is particularly special, as it is one of the many "first since" holidays that Amy and I will share since our remarriage last October. I haven't finalized plans just yet, but it's a sure bet that I'm not dressing like an undertaker this time around.

In recognition of that, and keeping in line with my blog theme of entertainment, I'm going to share my picks for Ten Great Movies to Watch with Your Valentine. They are in no particular order of quality, and like everything else we discuss here at Enter Sandman, these reflect my own preferences and not necessarily your own.

I have many more that won't fit on a list of ten, and I've even discussed some of them in the past, but this time, the focus will be on movies both parties of a couple can enjoy. It might even give some of you some inspiration for your own plans. The countdown starts tomorrow...hope you enjoy it, but if you don't—get your own blog!

I'm a PC

January 2019 marks the end of a love affair with the Macintosh computer that goes back all the way to 1985. Last week, I called my college's IT department and asked them to take away my Mac and replace it with a PC. A Dell, to be more precise. The funny thing is that I didn't really leave the Mac as much as they stopped caring if I stayed.

My first exposure to Macintosh computers came as a high school student creating form in the junior high office for my band directors. I was a student aide for them at the junior high, and the computer work often got me out of seventh hour Spanish class.

My first computer purchase was a Macintosh Plus in college at Mizzou. That baby cost me $900 for no hard drive and 1 MB of memory...all that and a nine-inch screen to boot! I wrote most of my college essays, short stories, and my first attempt at a novel on that computer, all of it running and saved on small plastic floppy disks.

Over the years, I've continued to personally purchase Macs, from the eMac to the iMac, and I've insisted on using Macs in my graphic design profession. Even as I gave up my design work at my college, I still had enough departmental design projects on my plate to justify keeping a Mac. But my personal iMac died two years ago—fried processor—and last week was the last straw at work.

Why the change? My Microsoft Office software stopped working on the Mac. It would take as long as five minutes to launch, then freeze up nonresponsive, forcing a restart. It was like 1989 all over again. Adobe Creative Suite software took even longer to start, forever to quit (usually locking up instead of quitting), and making it impossible for me to work at a productive speed on even the simplest documents. Everyday tasks became so frustrating I began to daydream of solving my computer problems with the "Office Space" procedure. (Video NSFW!)

In addition, as I've reached fifty years old, my vision is starting to decline at an accelerated pace, and the 21-inch iMac screen really didn't cut it anymore, even with zooming in on pages. I was going home with severe eye strain and headaches. I've asked IT to provide me with a big-screen monitor to help with the eyestrain. I have my homemade PC (courtesy of my computer-whiz son) hooked up to a 37-inch flat-screen TV, and it doesn't give me any trouble.

It would be easy to blame the change in the Mac on the death of Steve Jobs, and I think that certainly has something to do with the decline in prestige of the Mac computers, but I also think that Apple's corporate leadership has decided to follow the money, focusing their energy on phones, tablets, and internet laptops instead of the old workhorse computers. This is a sound business strategy, I guess, but it feels like a kind of death to me.

You see, I was one of the most foremost Macintosh evangelists that you could ever meet. I could give you a blow-by-blow breakdown of all the reasons why Macs were so much better than PCs. But over time, both computers have changed. Macs have grown static, stuck in the old paradigm of controlling both hardware and software, while PCs pursued the open-source model, emphasizing quantity of sales over quality of price, and in doing so, they have at least met (if not surpassed) Macs in terms of processor speed, memory, graphics, and utility.

I simply cannot make a convincing argument for why Macs are better than PCs anymore. They're just as fast (or faster), can run all the same software (even for graphic design, now that Adobe Creative Suite is cloud-based instead of purchase-and-install), and more versatile. Gamers had a lot to do with these innovations, as Apple ignored the game market...to its own peril.

In the end, I have to be pragmatic about the whole thing. The reason I loved the Mac was not only because it was cooler to have one but also because it worked better than those clunky old PCs. Well, I have to say for myself, these aren't the good old days any longer, and I need a computer that's going to work as fast as I can. And today, that's my new Dell PC.