7. Actually Romantic

1. Musical Style: '90s/'00s Indie Rock

2. Literary References: Literally every insult Shakespeare ever wrote into his plays

3. Key Lyric: "And I know you think it comes off vicious / But it's precious, adorable / Like a toy chihuahua barking at me from a tiny purse / That's how much it hurts"

4. Favorite Lyric: "You think I'm tacky, baby / Stop talking dirty to me!"

5. Taylor's Callback: "Reputation." All of it. Also, "thanK you, aIMee"

6. TL/DR: I love living rent-free in your head

7. Previous Track 7s: Tied Together with a Smile, Breathe, The Story of Us, I Almost Do, I Wish You Would, So It Goes..., Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince, seven, happiness, Question...?, Fresh Out the Slammer

Honestly, I just love petty Taylor; she writes the best songs. And I think her petty songs are probably when we get the closest to knowing anything at all about the real Taylor Allison Swift.

Before we go any farther, however, please remember that in poetry, the lines don't always have a singular, literal meaning, and we should never confuse the poetic speaker (in these cases, the singer) with the poet (or the songwriter).

Having said that, is this song directed specifically at Charlie XCX? Maybe, but that's actually not important. All of Taylor's petty/revenge songs are targeted at one person: Kanye MFing West, and by extension, his duplicitous ex-wife Kim Kardashian.

Hang in there with me; this is a curvy road, but I have a map.

Taylor revealed something insightful during her most recent interview with Seth Meyers, in which she said that baking sourdough bread is something that keeps her mind distracted from writing songs. I suspect her time with Travis is much the same; not that it's not genuine, but it's something else to do with her life other than writing songs and hanging out with her cats.

Because let's get something very specific out of the way regarding Taylor Swift: she's an absolute genius at songwriting, and as so, she is very much a freaky outlier to the rest of the human race. She was born to write songs, and because of that, her singular focus in her life was to become famous singer and songwriter. It's been the only thing she's ever wanted since she was a little kid.

Her parents moved the whole family to Nashville to help her chase her dream. She got signed to a record label when she was still in high school. She won her first Album of the Year Grammy for her second album at age 21. And who came the closest to destroying her dream? Kanye West? Who forced her to go in exile in England based on a series of lies and deceptions? Kanye and Kim.

Anyone who doubts this may not have experienced what it was like to be bullied as a child. Taylor did. Artists always are. Today's rock stars were nerds, freaks, and outcasts in high school; why do you think they spent all that time in their room learning how to play a guitar? To try to be seen as cool, which they definitely were not.

Taylor was not popular in high school; that much comes through in so many of her songs. Her romantic insecurities are deeply rooted in the heartbreak of past failed relationships. But that pales in comparison to the two people who tried to, in her mind, end her life by ending her ability to make a living as a writer and performer. Every revenge song starts with Kanye and Kim.

That's why "Actually Romantic" is the best revenge song of them all, because it illustrates the concept of someone "living rent-free in your head" and turns it into a biting, condescending retort: "And I know you think it comes off vicious / But it's precious, adorable / Like a toy chihuahua barking at me from a tiny purse / That's how much it hurts."

Ouch.

Now, she certainly can be saying the same thing to Charlie XCX, but she's also saying it to the legions of haters on the Internet who literally live for the chance to cut her down. She's saying that it not only fuels her creativity but that it makes her sexually excited. Given the number of incels who hate her and spend all their time online making it known, that must really hit below the belt.

(See what I did there?)

She does all of this with a phony-sweet voice over distorted indie-rock guitars, the most guitar-driven track on the album. As usual, the bridge is the best part of the song, both lyrically and musically, with the "Stop talking dirty to me!" shouted out like the chorus of a rock anthem.

As to the literary allusions, books have, quite literally, been written about Shakespeare's play-based insults. Here's an appropriately nasty one for this song: "This woman's an easy glove, my lord, she goes off and on at pleasure." (All's Well That End's Well) 

This is a nasty song, both sexually and civilly, and it's the kind of clapback that only someone who has been bullied would really understand. It's often been said that living well is the best revenge, but in reality, living well and telling the former bullies how wonderfully it's all going is actually the best revenge.

"thanK you, aIMee" on Tortured Poets was the light side of the story, with Taylor recognizing how her drive to come back from exile is what drove her to new heights of creativity and success. "Actually Romantic" is the petty dark side that reminds us that while Taylor may someday forgive, she's never going to forget.