2017: Silver Linings Recap

One of the last things my good friend and spiritual guru Tom C. told me before I left St. Louis in 1995 to move back to Poplar Bluff to get married was that "life is nothing more than lessons and blessings." Everything that happens is either a blessing to be grateful for or a lesson to teach us how to live better. 2017 was filled with both in the most painful way possible.

Those of you who know me already know that I got divorced last year. I didn't want to end the marriage, but sometimes in life we are forced to accept the unacceptable. My Facebook post back in August was my final public word about the end of that part of my life, and I invite you to go back and read it again. I've learned that being divorced is not the central reality of my life, nor does it define who I am, even though it dominated my thoughts and feelings throughout the year that was.

What's more important is what I've learned from the lessons of that experience, and I hope you'll allow me to share my thoughts about it. First of all, for all you married men: your wife is like a rare and precious orchid, and she needs constant nurturing in order for her to grow and flourish. Don't take your marriage for granted; keep pursuing her heart in the same way you did when you were trying to win her love.

Second, for the wives: Don't ever assume that because you are unhappy that your husband is aware of your unhappiness. Men are simple, direct, literal creatures who generally operate on the principle of "No news is good news." Most of us men lack the empathy and emotional intuition that women take for granted in their own lives. When you have a problem, please tell your husband what it is. Prepare for him to be defensive at first (most men don't like being wrong, even when we know that we are), then allow him space to think about it, and then listen when he proposes a solution to the problem. We are instinctively problem-solvers at heart, but we can't fix something if we don't know it's malfunctioning.

If neither of these observations from my own experience apply to you, your marriage, or your relationship, and you have a happy and flourishing marriage, then I'm grateful for that blessing in your life. I've experienced that feeling for many years, and I hope life affords me that blessing again in the future.

I had some dark times throughout this past year. There were days when it felt like giving up would be so much easier than going on. The lesson from this is that when life gives you more than you can handle, you reach out to everyone available. God was there for me when I felt most alone; when I felt like I was wandering aimlessly through a vast wilderness, he was there with me, assuring me that he could and would lead me out because he had already been there himself.

Friends, family, pastors, and counselors were there for me, as well. I learned that love is everywhere in your life; all you have to do is ask for it. I want to mention by name those who walked this path with me: my mom and dad, who got me through this year day by day; my sister, Julie; all my children and grandkids, whose love has been the foundation of my hope; friends, Steve, Carol, Tuck, Wags, LeighAnn, Lisa, and Tanzina, all of whom were there for me in so many ways; spiritual mentors John H., Jason J., and Tom C.; the cast and crew of Once Upon a Mattress; and probably dozens of others who I haven't mentioned by name but who have been "Eskimos" for me in one way or another this year.

In the midst of all of this, I've had some amazing, life-changing experiences. I self-published my first novel, Dylan's Treasure, in print for the first time, and I received several wonderful reviews on the Amazon sales site in response. I also completed my revisions, rewrites, and edits on my second novel, titled The Spring of Llanfyllin, and I'll be spending the next several weeks soliciting agents to try to get this book professionally published. I'm also actively working on my first screenplay and continuing to develop a short story collection.

Yeah, they feel like that...

Perhaps the biggest blessing was the attack of kidney stones that started on Christmas Eve 2016. The CT scans the ER did for the stones exposed a tumor that two different doctors told me was probably kidney cancer; my urologist said it was an 80 percent chance it was cancer. I had two minor surgeries to treat the stones, then a six-plus hour DaVinci robot surgery to remove the tumor from my right kidney. Then, double-blessings: it wasn't cancer, but it was a fast-growing benign tumor that if left undiagnosed would have burst in my abdomen. These doctors quite literally saved my life.

Being single again after 22 years afforded me several opportunities for involvement in activities that I probably wouldn't have otherwise pursued. I was able to attend two different spiritual conferences, one in Jefferson City, the other in St. Louis, that helped me to reconnect with friends both old and new who are trudging the same road of happy destiny that I've been on for 25 years now (an anniversary I celebrated this past Thanksgiving). My involvement in this organization has deepened in a way that hasn't been present in my life since the beginning of the journey. This membership has also been instrumental in helping carry me through the darkest days of the past year, and for that, I am deeply grateful.

Shenanigans!

I caught the acting bug in a big way. I had wanted to audition for several plays at the college in the past, but adding more activities to an impossible schedule was, well, impossible. This fall, it became possible, and I played the role of "King Sextimus," the mute king of Once Upon a Mattress. This zany musical comedy featured a blend of talent from mature actors, college students, and high school prodigies. Three months of rehearsals and four amazing performances left us all like a family who didn't want to say goodbye when the holiday was over. I'm looking forward to taking part in future productions with our college theater troupe.

Finally, I completed my final graduate philosophy class from University of Illinois-Springfield, which gives me 20 graduate credit hours in the subject, granting me the academic credentials to be certified as an official philosophy professor. This will not only enable me to keep teaching these classes at my current position at Three Rivers, but it qualifies me for future opportunities in this field as the years progress.

Happy New Year!

I've spent most of the past year in anticipation of putting 2017 behind me, but as 2018 begins, it's clear that my blessings have been at least equal to the lessons that challenged me. The new year is off to an auspicious start with a new car to take me to wherever life leads me in the weeks and months to come. To all of you who have been with me in the year that was, let's hope this new year affords us all abundant blessings. As for the lessons...if they're yours, know that I'll always be here for you in the same way you were for me.