Star Wars: The Last Jedi—Are the criticisms valid? (Part Two)

Yesterday I went through complaints #13 through #7 from Star Wars fans who didn't like Episode Eight: The Last Jedi, offering my rebuttals as to why these criticisms are either invalid, ignorant, or misunderstand the point of the movie. My overall point is that the majority of the hate targeted at the film stems from the fact that it doesn't conform to two years of insane Internet theories about points such as Snoke's background, Rey's parents, Luke's lost years, and countless other topics introduced in The Force Awakens (ironically, a film the same group of fanboys hated because it was "too much like A New Hope").

Today, I complete the list, tackling gripes from #6 to #1 from the original article found on the fan site Epicstream. While these contain some valid criticisms (which I will acknowledge), they still betray a gross misunderstanding of what director Rian Johnson intended in both his script and direction for the film.

As usual, spoilers, spoilers, spoilers! Go away if you still haven't seen the film!

Okay, Chewie, go for lightspeed!

Fish Nuns? Is that right?

#6—Slapstick Comedy
Some fans didn't like the moments of humor, such as Rey's unintentional abuse of Ahch-To's caretakers, citing it as a distraction from the drama of the film. First of all, humor has always been part of the best Star Wars films, particularly in The Empire Strikes Back. One of the elements lacking in the prequels was a genuine sense of humor (Jar Jar Binks acting like an asshole doesn't count). The second thing to consider is that humor in drama is necessary for an effect known as "comic relief." Playwrights from Sophocles to Shakespeare have used it to great effect, most notably Shakespeare's grave digger in Hamlet, who wittily spars with the Danish prince for great humor, which is then in contrast with Hamlet's discovery that the grave being dug is for his love, Ophelia. Making the audience laugh just before you make them cry is a hallmark of effective dramatic writing. Hey fanboys, take a theater appreciation class, wouldja?

Purple hair is sexy

#5—Why Didn't Vice Admiral Holdo Just Tell Poe About Her Plan from the Beginning?

Okay, this is the most legitimate criticism of them all to me. If she had confided in Poe, he would have had no reason to mutiny against her. While I will grant this as a plot hole, let me try to fill it in a couple of ways. First, her not telling him leads to his mutiny, which adds drama to the Resistance fighters' plight, and also leads to the great scene of a revived Leia stunning Poe on the bridge. Second, Poe has already demonstrated insubordination on several counts, which led to his demotion from commander to captain. In a military setting, he doesn't need or deserve to know the plans of his superiors; his responsibility is to follow orders. Again, I can't explain away this plot hole, but it doesn't ruin the whole thing for me. 

The Last Jedi

#4—Rey's Parents Are Just Nobodies

This is the complaint that pisses me off worse than all the others. First of all, it's not only a brilliant conceit, but it fits perfectly with two other scenes in the film. First, when Luke explains to Rey that the Jedi don't have ownership of the Force, that implies that you don't need to be a Skywalker or a Kenobi or a Palpatine or a Windu or any other family that the Internet theories obsessed about as Rey's parents for two years. She has no Force parentage, no great Jedi or Sith heritage. 

Not a "Mary Sue"

Do you know who that makes her the equivalent of? Hermione Granger, a Muggle-born witch who has more skill and knowledge with magic than most other pureblood wizards. Rey is the same; she's a "nobody" who happens to be The Last Jedi and the only Force user who can stand up to both Snoke and Kylo Ren. 

Second, Kylo Ren himself, a Skywalker who wants more than anything to be the true heir to his grandfather, Darth Vader, tells her that although she is a nobody with no role to play in this story, none of that matters to him—he still wants her by his side. This is brilliant storytelling, and complaining because your goddamn blogsite theory wasn't true is nothing more than third-degree butthurt because you were wrong. 

Actually listened to Obi-Wan Kenobi

#3—Luke Skywalker Gets Force-Ghosted

Again, another bit of brilliant storytelling that ties in so well to A New Hope that the fanboys missed it in their outrage. Luke knows that he is not powerful enough, even as a Jedi Master, to defeat Kylo Ren. Why else would he exile himself forever instead of confronting his former apprentice? But think back to the final living words of Obi-Wan Kenobi to his former apprentice, Darth Vader: "Strike me down, and I will become more powerful than you can imagine." In giving himself up to the Force, Luke has gained the same power. I fully expect that he may team up with fellow Force spirits Yoda and Obi-Wan to help Rey achieve her final victory (which we all already know is the inevitable end of Episode Nine). Luke fully surrenders himself to the full power of the Force, and in doing so, he hasn't disappeared...he's preparing himself to do what must be done to defeat the Dark Side. 

Dude, she is SO into you...

#2—That Canto Bight Subplot With Finn and Rose

Sorry, FinnRey shippers, but FinnRose is the next romance on the horizon in Episode Nine. Canto Bight not only established the foundation for that, but it introduced Benicio Del Toro's twitchy, backstabbing mercenary D.J. (Lando Calrissian, anyone?), who I'll bet a BB-8's worth of coins is coming back in Ep. 9, as well as a group of Force-powered kids to step up as the next generation of resistance fighters. I understand if you didn't like elements of this subplot for whatever reasons, but it fits into the overall plot arc of the film itself as well as creating expectations for the final episode.

Killed by a blind guy

#1—Supreme Leader Snoke is Dead!

Boo forking hoo. Your Boba Fett fixation died again, and he died like a bitch, just like Boba Fett did in Return of the Jedi. Seriously, I've been a Star Wars fan since the original theatrical release in 1977, and I've never understood the fanboy jones for Boba Fett, so much so that George Lucas made his father the foundation for all original stormtrooper clones. He was a minor character who served a plot purpose to put Han Solo in peril, nothing more. Stop making such a big deal about him.

Read your Greek tragedy...hubris kills every time

The same is true of Snoke. His backstory is irrelevant; all you need to know is that he is a powerful Dark Force master whose overwhelming arrogance blinded him to the fact that the apprentice who he mocked, belittled, and humiliated (Kylo Ren), murdered him and took over his throne. He's a Bond villain, nothing more, and we didn't need to waste one extra second of exposition on him when his purpose was to show us the strength and power of Kylo Ren, who is the central figure of this trilogy, as I've blogged about previously.

The Supreme Leader is dead...long live the Supreme Leader! 

Star Wars: The Last Jedi—Are the criticisms valid?

It can no longer be denied that Star Wars: The Last Jedi can be recorded in the history of this franchise as the most divisive and controversial episode so far. The prequels were more or less denigrated (or outrated hated) by a majority of Star Wars fans, especially those like me who saw the Original Trilogy as children. The Force Awakens was generally well-received by most, though many complained that it was too much of a rehash of A New Hope.

What TLJ director Rian Johnson did was quite the opposite of TFA director J.J. Abrams chose to present: he went expressly against fanboy and Internet rumor/crackpot theory expectations and gave us a bold new vision that takes the entire franchise into uncharted territory...and many hate this change.

But what about the most common criticisms of the film? I'm going to address one article specifically, "Top 13 Reasons Why Some Star Wars Fans Hate The Last Jedi" from the fan site Epicstream. You can find many other examples of extreme fanboy butthurt, but each of these have some merit that I would like to address from the perspective of a fan who loved TLJ.

This is the point at which, if you still haven't seen the film and plan to, you need to go away, because extensive plot and character spoilers are coming at you faster than a stolen TIE fighter...

Okay, everybody strapped in? Here we go...

I want one in real life.

#13—Porgs have nothing to do with the story
This is true, but it overlooks two important factors. First, this is a Disney movie made in part for kids and designed to sell merchandise. With that in mind, Porgs are a forking gold mine. They're just about the cutest things we've seen on film since Puss in Boots from the Shrek franchise. Second, what they are is true to their nature in this universe—they are wild birds who get into the Millenium Falcon, and while Chewbacca has a soft spot for the little puffballs, they also get in his way at inopportune moments (kind of like cats when you're trying to read or write). In short, they're Chewie's pets (as if we needed another reason to love Chewbacca).

One of these, too.

#12—Wait, there's a hidden exit in the Resistance's base on Crait after all?
Uh, no, there's not a "hidden exit" that they didn't know about. There is a tiny gap in a fall of boulders that the crystal foxes are able to squeeze through but that Poe Dameron realizes is just a dead end for them. It's only through Rey's Force power (lifting rocks, a wonderful tie-in line to her earlier training with Luke) that they are able to escape. This helps reinforce Luke's line to Kylo Ren that Rey, and not Luke, is The Last Jedi.

This would have just been silly, guys.

#11—No BB-8 vs BB-9E showdown in the final battle
This is just fan service complaining. The evil BB droid did its part in helping get Finn and Rose captured. Let's hope he got his spherical ass blown to bits when Admiral Holdo nuked the First Order fleet. Besides, we got to see BB-8 piloting a Scout Walker and blowing shit up instead. For those still experiencing butthurt, please reference the Rolling Stones classic song, "You Can't Always Get What You Want."

Yeah, this battle would have been epic.

#10—Luke Skywalker and Kylo Ren's weak backstory
This is just more complaining that events hinted at in The Force Awakens were not fully fleshed out in The Last Jedi. But again, this is nothing more than a case of unmet expectations. What we did get was a Rashoman-style version of stories, where Kylo said Luke tried to murder him in his sleep, while Luke tells Rey that he thought about it for just a second and then chose not to kill Ben Solo. In both versions, Ben brings the house down on Luke, takes his dark side followers (the Knights of Ren), kills everyone else, and burns down Luke's training temple. Do we get to see Snoke seducing Ben? No. Do we get to see their conflict during training? No. Do we need to see any of this? No! We know just as much about Kylo Ren's backstory as we did about Darth Vader's, and it's all we need to know...they were Jedi Knights who were seduced by the dark side of the Force and are now agents of oppression and destruction. Save the backstory for your fan-fiction blog.

I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!

#9—Leia's "Mary Poppins" moment
Leia, blown into space when the bridge of her ship is destroyed, uses her Force powers to fly back to the ship, thus saving her life. Did it look a bit like a Harry Potter movie? Yep. Does it defy the laws of physics? Yeah, but so does every other bit of Star Wars from beginning to end. It's not pure science fiction, people, it's more like sci-fantasy. Hyperspace, Death Stars, Lightsabers, space battles, and just about everything else in every movie defies the laws of physics. If you want scientific reality, go watch a Neil deGrasse Tyson lecture on YouTube (they're supremely interesting). This is a goddamn movie, people...relax! As far as what Leia does, her Force powers may be just as great as Luke's, and it is her blood that gives her son, Kylo Ren, his Force powers as well. It gives the moment great drama, especially considering Carrie Fisher's death in real life, where we wonder if Leia has actually died with the rest of the Resistance commanders.

Hitler and Stalin aren't scary enough?

#8—The First Order's remaining leaders are weak threats
Excuse me? General Hux is a murderous, ruthless psychopath, and Kylo Ren is the most powerful Dark Side user of the Force since Emperor Palpatine. Did you people not see the scene where Snoke brags and evil-laughs about how awesome he is and what a weak-minded puke Kylo Ren is, all the while mocking Rey for thinking she could turn "Ben Solo" against him? While all this pompous posturing is happening, Kylo, completely unbeknowst to Snoke, slices the motherforker in half with Anakin Skywalker's (aka Darth Vader) lightsaber! Kylo Ren becomes Supreme Leader and bends General Hux to his will. Weak threats? Are you kidding me? Darth Vader killed the Emperor to save his son. Kylo Ren killed Snoke to take over the galaxy.

Run away! Run away!

#7—Why didn't the First Order fleet destroy the Resistance ships right away?
Uhh, deflector shields? This leads to more complaints about the slowest chase sequence in sci-fi history, as the few remaining Resistance ships, which can move faster at sub-light speed than the larger Star Destroyers (this is actually true to physics, fanboys), move out of range of the First Order's big laser cannons. What this actually does is set up dramatic tension, pitting the desperate plan formulated by Poe, Finn, and Rose against the secret escape plans of Adm. Holdo, all the while waiting for the last of the Resistance ships to run out of fuel. Not all chases have to be super-fast to create drama; sometimes suspense is created out of silence, not speed and noise.

Tomorrow: Fan complaints #6-#1 are addressed, mocked, and dismissed.

Review—"Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle"

I'm usually skeptical about remakes and sequels that look like nothing more than attempts to cash in on nostalgia for the original movie. Most of the time, these attempts are forgettable and disappear without a trace (this year's unnecessary and unwanted remake of "Flatliners" comes to mind). So when I first saw the trailers for "Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle," I didn't expect much in terms of quality, and I certainly didn't plan to see it.

The classics never leave us.

In life, you experience the things you planned to do, and then you experience the unexpected. Once I saw the reviews for this updated version of "Jumanji," I became curious enough to check it out for myself. What I discovered was not just a worthy successor to Robin Williams' classic original but a fun holiday movie that can easily stand on its own merits. This movie is a part of the universe created by the first, and that connection informs the entire film.

Upon reflection, my one-line review would read, "21st-Century Breakfast Club kids get sucked into a Jumanji video game." We have four types instead of five this time: the nerd (Spencer); the jock (Fridge); the princess (Bethany); the basket case (Martha, although she's really more of a girl nerd). They all get detention on the same day, and instead of smoking weed and baring their souls to each other, they find an old video game console, hook it up, and find themselves transported into the jungles of Jumanji.

Welcome to the Jungle

The chemistry among the four lead actors is one of the strongest parts of the movie's appeal. The fun of the movie is in the big above-the-title stars playing videogame characters inhabited by these teens but going completely opposite to their personalities. Spencer becomes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, fearless and strong. Fridge transforms into Kevin Hart, completely distressed that he's two feet shorter than he was before. They play two childhood friends who grew apart in high school, and their real-life history informs their avatars' relationship.

The girls steal the show, of course. Timid, shy, mousy brainiac Martha becomes Ruby Roundhouse (the gorgeous Karen Gillan), "killer of men" with her amazing martial arts and "dance fighting" skills; her funniest moment is when she tries to use her beauty to flirt, with hilarious results. The best transformation, however, is vapid phone-addicted Bethany becoming Jack Black, "a middle-aged fat guy." Black kills his performance as a teenage girl who discovers that life exists outside social media, not to mention three hilarious bits about what it's like to have a penis instead of a vagina.

Not just a pretty face...

The plot is familiar to "Jumanji" fans...finish the game to get back home. But this time, the stakes are much higher than what Robin Williams and his cohorts faced. Like other video games, the players have limited lives, and if they lose all their lives in the game, they die in real life as well. This conceit elevates the movie from mere child's play and makes a profound and poignant statement about how we come of age as adolescents to realize that we really only have one chance at this life—it's not like a video game, or a football game, or social media—it's the real thing, with real consequences and an inevitable end for each of us.

This discovery and acceptance is transformative for the real-life teens who inhabit their game avatars, as they embrace their own shortcomings as well as discover the inner strength that lies deeper within each of them. I won't spoil any of the events that lead to the conclusion except to say that the results are intensely emotionally satisfying.

I've made no secret of my love for the latest Star Wars film, "The Last Jedi," which I've seen twice so far and plan to blog about again soon. However, the experience of watching "The Last Jedi" is intense and at times exhausting. Watching "Jumanji" was an hour and 45 minutes of pure fun, filled with excitement and laughs throughout. This time, I'm planning to see it again with intention and anticipation.

If you hated "The Last Jedi," you may not realize what "Star Wars" is all about.

Okay, let's get this out of the way first...this blog is chock-full of revealing spoilers about the latest episode in the Star Wars saga, Episode Eight: The Last Jedi, so if you haven't seen the movie and don't want a bunch of stuff revealed, please go away now and come back after you've seen it.

Don't say you weren't warned...

Okay, everyone good?

First of all, let's dispense with whether you loved the movie or hated it...we can have that argument another time, okay? What I want to talk about is what I think is at the root of the negative reaction to The Last Jedi and how we can better understand why Rian Johnson made the movie he did.

It's because he realizes what Star Wars is really all about in the same way that George Lucas did in his original vision. It's about the Skywalkers.

Specifically, Anakin Skywalker.

Even more specifically, Darth Vader.

Now, we didn't realize this in A New Hope" We thought it was about the Rebellion, and Luke and Leia, and Han Solo, rogue hero, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and the Jedi. Wrong. It was about Darth Vader, who wasn't even the prime antagonist of the movie...that goes to Grand Moff Tarkin. A New Hope introduces us to Darth Vader through his twin children.

We realized the fullness of the character of Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back. One of the reasons ESB is so good is because it's a showcase for Vader, and he basically wins throughout the whole movie. The best scene in the entire film is unarguably this one:

The entire point of Return of the Jedi is Luke's conviction that somewhere inside Darth Vader, a small bit of Anakin Skywalker still lives, and he is willing to not only sacrifice himself but the entire Rebel Alliance to turn his father back into the light. Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker is the central character of the original trilogy.

However misbegotten George Lucas's prequel episodes might have been (and they were terrible movies for a variety of reasons), one fact is clear and indisputable: Episodes 1-3 are about how a young boy named Anakin Skywalker became a renegade Jedi Knight who turned to the Dark Side and became Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith.

One of the reasons the prequels are mostly hated by those who saw the original trilogy is because it didn't live up to our expectations of what this story would be like. In a way, we made the same mistake with 1-3 that so many fans are making with The Last Jedi, and we let our expectations overwhelm the experience.

This doesn't mean that the prequels are good movies—they're not, and they fail on almost every level of filmmaking quality—but one thing I've seen as a college professor who teaches students young enough to be my own kids: those who love Star Wars saw the prequels when they were kids, and they really liked them...a lot.

So what does this have to do with The Last Jedi?

The third trilogy is about the same character that the first six episodes were about: Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker. The only difference is that this time around, the focus is on Anakin's one and only grandson: Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.

Darth Kylo

Yep...the third triology is all about Kylo Ren. It's the inability to see this truth that has ignited all the fanboy butthurt about all their unrealized expectations about Rey's parents, Snoke's identity, Finn's romantic interest, Poe's sexuality, Han's death, Luke's self-imposed exile, and Leia's force powers. These are all interesting facts that serve as a mechanism to tell the story being told: it's all about Kylo Ren.

Rian Johnson gets it, and he made the movie that had to be made to drive this story forward. J.J. Abrams suffered unfair criticism for making The Force Awakens too much like A New Hope. This was intentional: he introduced new characters and brought back old, beloved characters in a way that setup the rise of our true central character.

We thought A New Hope was about Luke, Leia, and Han. It was really about Darth Vader. In the same way, we thought The Force Awakens was about Rey, Finn, and Poe. Wrong again...it's all about Kylo Ren. It was no accident that an actor of the skill and stature of Adam Driver was cast in this role; the filmmakers knew he would have to carry three movies, and it wouldn't be behind a mask the whole time.

The Last Jedi?

This is the root cause of the anger at what happens (and doesn't happen) in The Last Jedi. We thought it was about Rey, but it turns out that although she has incredibly strong Force powers, she's not a Skywalker or a Kenobi (maybe...). Who tells her who she really is? Kylo Ren. Who invites her to join him in creating an entirely new galactic order? Kylo Ren.

We thought the First Order was about Supreme Leader Snoke, who is clearly as much a master of the Dark Side of the Force as was Emperor Palpatine. However, he never realized how powerful Kylo Ren was. Snoke thought he was manipulating Kylo, while the whole time, Kylo was plotting his coup and his own rise to power as Supreme Leader. Kylo Ren is orders of magnitude more powerful, more clever, more cunning, and more adept than Snoke ever was. Who was Snoke? Who cares? The Supreme Leader is dead; long live the Supreme Leader.

Grumpy Old Jedi

We thought The Last Jedi was about Luke Skywalker, but it was really about how his inability to confront his nephew, Ben Solo, about how to properly deal with the seductive nature of the Dark Side led to the destruction of all his dreams of rebuilding the Jedi Order. I submit that Luke chose to die/disappear at the end to become a Force Ghost because he knows that as a human being, he could never defeat Kylo Ren face-to-face.

What Rian Johnson has done is give us a perfect set-up for the final film in this trilogy, and it's just as perfect that J.J. Abrams will be the director to bookend the first and third films around Johnson's bold work. The question for the third film is, "What's going to happen to Kylo Ren?" How will he rule the New Order? Will he be an evil dictator? (Signs point to yes...) But what if he was telling the truth to Rey about killing the past and starting something new?

And what if Rey's vision about Kylo turning back to the light was true and not a Snoke-induced hoax? What if the key to bringing balance to the Force and peace to the galaxy is Kylo and Rey together as co-leaders, just as he invited her to be? And if that doesn't fire your imagination enough, what if what the galaxy really needs is the end of the Skywalker family?

Because of Carrie Fisher's unfortunate death, we know Leia will not be in Episode Nine. Although I'm convinced Luke will appear as a Force Ghost, he's not reopening the Jedi Academy at any time in the future. What this leaves is Rey, The Last Jedi, confronting the grandson of Darth Vader in a once-and-for-all, winner-take-all Force battle the likes of which we've never seen.

When we realize that Kylo Ren is the central character of this third trilogy because he is the heir to Darth Vader, I think we will see that the movie Rian Johnson created is a work of sheer genius. Take Kylo at his word: "Let go of the past. Kill it if you have to." They did, and it was magnificent.

My Top Five Movies of the Summer: Number One

Coming in just before Labor Day and the official end of the summer is my top pick for my favorite movie of the Summer of 2017: Wonder Woman. Unlike my other reviews, I have no serious criticism of this movie other than to say it wasn't long enough, and they haven't released a sequel yet. This was, for me, far and away the best film to hit theaters this summer, and it's probably my movie of the year (although I'll let you know about "IT" and "Kingsman: The Golden Circle" later this month).

I have to address two things about my mindset going into this movie. First, I'm not really a comic book guy from either camp. I don't have a dog in the "Marvel" vs. "DC" fight when it comes to comics. Like I said in my last blog, I'm a Spider-Man guy through and through, but even with that, my comic book purchases were sporadic at best.

It goes without saying that at this point, the Marvel Cinematic Universe has a five-touchdown lead early in the fourth quarter on the DC Universe. But "Wonder Woman" closed that gap substantially this summer, and if the suits at Warner Brothers have anything resembling brains inside those empty suits, they'll figure out some way to put Diana of Themiscyra into everything with a DC label. (Watch how Marvel puts Tony Stark into everything to figure out how this is done.)

Pictured: Actual Goddess

My second concern about the new WW movie was the casting of Gal Gadot in the lead role. Seeing early press and photos after the casting announcement left me nonplussed; she struck me as more of a Revlon model than a superhero, especially one who had to fill the well-endowed costume of Lynda Carter, who incarnated the role on TV in the late seventies. Ask any Gen-X guy who was alive in the seventies about Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, and you'll know what I mean.

I didn't see what it was about Gadot that the casting professionals saw. Having seen the movie twice and saving my nickels, dimes, and quarters to buy the Blu-Ray when it drops, I know why they are Hollywood professionals and I'm a philosophy professor...do what you're good at! Gadot is not just the perfect actress for this role, she's the only actress who could have portrayed Diana in such a marvelous way. Beautiful yet approachable, fierce but tender, passionate and stubborn without being stupid or foolish, Gadot inhibits every scene with the luminous innocence of a naive young woman who also happens to be a courageous, fearless, indominatable superhero. Oh yeah, and she's also a goddess...literally.

It would be easy for her role to subordinate all the others, but director Patty Jenkins (hey DC: she's better than Zack Snyder by about a thousand miles) makes Diana part of a team led by Chris Pine, doing a marvelous job of understating his usually outsized personality, that also includes a trio of other unlikely non-superhero heroes whose mission is to save the world from destruction at the hands of Ares, the God of War.

Sounds preposterous? Well, yeah, it's a comic book movie, but at no time does this movie ever play a note out of tune. When the movie reveals Diana in her full glory as Wonder Woman, taking down her hair and shedding her dark cloak to reveal her iconic battle armor as she emerges from the trenches of WW1's western front, it will quite simply take your breath away. But she's not eye candy, despite the fact that she is, in the words of Pine's secretary, "The most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life." She is determined to save the lives of the innocent, and she has no regard for her own safety in the face of that mission.

It's easy to recognize Christ figures in literature, as they've been creating them since Christ himself authored the original sacrifice. But rarely do we get to see a woman portrayed in this role. But we later learn that Diana was created specifically to redeem mankind from the horrors of war, and in a genre where men have been saving damsels in distress for hundreds of years, it's a revelation to see a woman as a savior.

Neither Ben Affleck as Batman nor Jason Momoa as Aquaman would have compelled me to give seeing the upcoming "Justice League" movie even a second's worth of consideration. But with Wonder Woman in the movie? I'm there on opening night, pal.

My Top Five Movies of the Summer: Number Two

My second-favorite movie of the summer of 2017 is Spider-Man: Homecoming. I was excited about this movie since the new incarnation of Peter Parker and his web-slinging alter ego appeared in Captain America: Civil War, and it certainly did not disappoint. I consider this the best of all of the modern incarnations of the cinematic wall crawler for one simple reason: they finally got the sense of humor right.

Goddess

As good as the first two Sam Raimi versions of Spider-Man were (I'm talking Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst), they took themselves a bit too seriously, focusing on the darker aspects of the comics. I admit I never saw the Andrew Garfield/Emma Stone films, so I can't really comment on them other than to say I hate Gwen Stacy and will not pay attention to any of those stories even if my inappropriate crush on Emma Stone happens to be part of it.

In any case, the cool thing about Spider-Man has always been that Peter Parker is an unpopular nerd who gets to be a smart-mouth, smart-ass, kick-ass super hero. That's the part that young British actor Tom Holland nails. Peter is a completely nervous, anxious, nerdy little science guy until he puts on the Spidey suit. Being Spider-Man sets him free in a brave, nervy, don't-give-a-shit way that any teenage boy would react upon getting such awesome powers. Plus, he's smart as hell and braver than anyone else his age could ever dare to be. This movie gets that.

That's not Beetlejuice.

What's even better is the villain who plays opposite our hero, the Vulture, portrayed with chilling menace by Michael Keaton, who's proving to age better than a Napoleonic Brandy as an actor. He personifies the charismatic menace of Jack Nicholson without all the attendant baggage that Nicholson comes with (which is mostly not his fault but a result of his iconic status that lends itself so well to parody). Keaton is outright terrifying in this role because he's so ordinary; we can identify with his sense of outrage and understand why he's chosen the path he's gone down. Under different circumstances, the Vulture could have been the hero; in this film, we really believe that he would straight up murder a fifteen-year-old boy without giving it a second thought.

Nailed it!

Tom Holland captures all the right notes of both Peter Parker and Spider-Man, and he's so authentic in both aspects of the role. Equally appealing is his best friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) and his oh-so-close-but-not-quite crush Liz (Laura Harrier). My favorite change was making his Aunt May the still-sexy-at-50-something Marisa Tomei, who makes it necessary to create the acronym "AILF" in this role. She also gets the funniest line of the entire movie just before the credits roll.

The other thing that makes this movie work so well is that it's now an official part of the Marvel Extended Universe and ties Spidey in with the Avengers. I thought John Favreau was hilarious as the impatient and put-upon Happy Hogan, and let's be honest, Robert Downey, Jr., can do no wrong these days as Tony Stark. I really could die satisfied if he simply spends the rest of his career as Tony/Iron Man. I know he won't do that, of course, being as talented as he is, but whatever Disney/Marvel needs to pay him to keep coming back...well, we know they have more money that the GDP of Earth, so write that fat check, guys!

The only thing I didn't like was Zendaya as Michelle, who we learn toward the end prefers to be called "MJ." If you want to exclude Mary Jane Watson from the movie entirely, I can understand that from a creative standpoint. However, I am a purist when it comes to Mary Jane. Stop trying to change her into a different character. She's a gorgeous redhead and the love of Peter Parker's life. Cast the right actress and let the magic happen, Marvel. Trying to change Peter and MJ is like trying to meddle with the romance between Superman and Lois Lane. Some things are just right, and messing around with them is just wrong.

In any case, I think those complaints are minor issues in the light of a movie that was both as funny and as exciting as anything so far in the MEU, and it far exceeded its Marvel cousin this summer, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I'm not sure if Spidey will return in his own sequel or the next Avengers movie, but whichever comes first, I'm camping out to be at the first showing.

My Top Five Movies of the Summer: Number Three

My third favorite movie of the summer of 2017 is Baby Driver. Unlike my comments on the two previous movies, I don't have any serious criticisms of this movie other than the title, and that's really just minor. I think that probably some casual moviegoers might have been turned off by the title; judging by the mentality of the average American these days, I wouldn't be surprised if they got it confused with the animated stinker "Baby Boss." But if the title keeps you from seeing this instant classic, you're the one who's missing out.

The best thing about this film is the soundtrack, hands down. It took the genius of the original "Guardians of the Galaxy," which did such a superb job of wedding classic songs to stylized action, and ups the ante to the level of an entirely new genre: Action Musical. Each and every song in this movie is a character in and of itself while, at the same time, an integral part of advancing both character and plot. You have to see it to believe it. This movie will be nominated for an Oscar for Best Sound Editing at the very least.

Baby, the title character, is played by young actor Ansel Elgort, who really should have been cast in the Young Han Solo movie; he would have been perfect...he even has that young Harrison Ford vibe in the way he walks, talks, dances, and carries himself on screen. This is a star-making role, and it is well-deserved.

He is paired with the luminous young beauty of Lily James, who plays Debora, a diner waitress who falls for the young getaway driver. I won't spoil any of the details, but Baby drives for Doc, played with characteristic perfection by Kevin Spacey, the leader of a series of heist crews, each of which is different. The one common denominator is Baby, whose tinnitus, the result of a tragic childhood accident, requires him to wear earbuds most of the time to counteract the ear pain. This is the element that brings so much of the music into play.

The supporting cast is just as good. Small roles by Jon Bernthal (Shane from "The Walking Dead") and Flea, the bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers are fun and memorable, but the real menace comes from the married Bonnie-and-Clyde duo of Buddy (Jon Hamm, "Mad Men") and Darling (Eiza Gonzalez), who play a major part in the last act of the movie, and Jamie Foxx, whose celebrity belies the fact that he's a damn good actor, and in this movie, a terrifying mix of dangerous and crazy.

I don't want to give away any more details; you need to run out and see this movie before it leaves theaters. Trust me, it's that good, and good enough to make #3 on my summer movie list.

My Top Five Movies of the Summer: Number Four

My pick for my fourth favorite movie of the summer of 2017 is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I was a HUGE fan of the original, in part for three reasons. First, I knew nothing about the original comic, so everything was fresh and new. Second, the late seventies/early eighties classic rock soundtrack blended sci-fi adventure and FM radio nostalgia with perfection. Third, Rocket Raccoon. I mean, who doesn't love a foul-mouthed, violent, borderline-psychotic, genetically-enhanced forest rodent?

Needless to say, I went into the sequel with high hopes. I have to say, however, that this second installment did not meet my expectations, in part because the first movie was so good and set the bar so high. I think my criticisms of the movie mirror the things I liked best about the first.

First of all, we all knew these characters going in, and I don't think there was a lot of new character development. Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) has family issues and the hots for Gamora (Zoe Saldana), who has her own father and sister issues. Drax (Dave Bautista) is a violent hothead who takes everything quite literally, Rocket (Bradley Cooper) is still everything he was in the first movie, and Groot (Vin Diesel) is a cute baby tree. In terms of the actual crew, we didn't find out a whole lot new about any of them other than the identity of Peter's father, which I will get to in the praise section, don't worry...

Secondly, the soundtrack of Vol. 2 was vastly inferior to the first movie. I can remember song after song from the first movie—"Come and Get Your Love," "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," "Cherry Bomb," "I Want You Back"—and those are the ones off the top of my head without looking on IMDB.com. I seriously cannot think of one single song from the sequel. For a movie to be so dependent on the soundtrack to help advance both character and plot, Vol. 2 is an inferior B-side.

Third, this second movie was far too reliant on complex CGI special effects that were more of a distraction than a delight. I hated the opening sequence with the inter-dimensional monster attacking the Guardians. I thought it was boring. The final sequence, when the team is trying to defeat [SPOILER], generated sufficient tension, but the effects didn't add anything to it for me.

Recent Star Wars movies "The Force Awakens" and "Rogue One" have showed us the value of grounding SFX in the visual reality of the world created as opposed to acting in front of green screens. It seems like the creative team behind GotGv2 got caught in the George Lucas Star Wars prequel crap-trap of "bigger is better." No, it's not. Not always. Not when the effects are more annoying than enthralling.

So what did I like about this movie? Why is it number four on my list of favorite summer films? First, the humor. This is a funny movie, and the jokes almost always hit the bulls-eye. These are appealing characters, and as an audience, we like them and want to root for them, so we give them permission to be vulnerable, and the movie's humor is found in their common humanity (yes, even the aliens, the raccoon, and the tree). Here's an example:

Second, the overall theme of family, especially the relationship between children and their fathers, was done with an organic grace that never felt forced or heavy-handed (like the big effects scenes did). Each character wants to connect with a family member in some way—Peter with his father, played to the hilt by Kurt Russell, Gamora with her estranged sister, Nebula (Karen Gillan); the rest of the team are essentially orphans and misfits who have created their own family in this team of Guardians. I thought the theme of family was so strong that it redeemed the movie of the rest of its flaws.

Third, Michael freaking Rooker. Look, he won't get any attention when the movie award nominations come around, but Rooker's Yondu was the MVP of the entire film. He also provides the biggest surprise as well as the most in-depth character development. I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet (all four of you), but watch it, and tell me if Rooker doesn't at least deserve a Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Award for Best Sci-Fi Acting Performance, as well as bringing an unexpected tear to your eye.

In the end, this second movie doesn't live up to the quality of the first, but most sequels don't. The positive aspects of the movie are not enough to make it greater than the sum of its parts, but they certainly make it worth two hours of your time as well as the fourth spot on my summer movie list.

My Top Five Movies of the Summer: Number Five

My fifth favorite movie of the summer is Alien: Covenant. There was a lot to like about this movie despite its obvious flaws. First of all, someone needs to hire me as a Hollywood script doctor to point out ridiculous plot holes like some of the most egregious ones that appear in this movie.

In no particular order, here are my biggest gripes about the movie. First, why was the crew of the ship a bunch of civilians? For something as major as colonizing an alien planet, you would need a highly disciplined military organization. The acting captain of the Covenant made about 27 idiotic decisions that led to disaster.

Second, how do you explore an alien planet without protective gear? I don't care if the atmosphere is breathable, everything else could be poison (and in this case, it was). Third, why on earth did these poor saps trust the obviously psychotic android? In fact, why do they even have androids any more, since every one in these movies is a disaster of Trumpian proportions. Finally, what are the actual odds that this ship would pass within shouting distance of where the two survivors of the Prometheus ended up? You could have made a great movie while still fixing all these stupid plot points.

Having gotten my complaints out of the way, here's why the movie is fifth on my list of best summer movies: It is genuinely terrifying from beginning to end. It creates a sense of dread from the outset, and once the monsters start bursting out (literally) from everywhere, it does what the "Alien" franchise does best...it scares the daylights out of you.

I liked the performances by most of the cast, although Billy Crudup is mostly wasted; his character is weak, and his decisions are laughably stupid. Katherine Waterston is the standout as the strong female (read: Ripley) character who manages to survive until the end. The supporting cast is good despite being monster fodder, especially Danny McBride, who I always like in whatever he's in.

Michael Fassbender is the best part of the movie, though, in his dual roles as androids Walter and David. I really didn't like the horror movie ending; it was too predictable and made me feel like Ridley Scott was channeling David Fincher's execreble "Alien 3," but Fassbender is so good in the role, he makes the ending pay off in a dark and disturbing way.

In the ranking of the "Alien" franchise, I put this movie in third place, behind James Cameron's roller coaster ride "Aliens" and Scott's own original "Alien." That's good enough to make it my fifth favorite movie of the summer.

Zen and the Art of Laundry

I readily confess that I was a spoiled child; I had a stay-at-home mom who took care of me, my sister, and the house, which meant I never had to do my own laundry until I left for college at age 18. My mom gave me the basics, but over the years, I've developed my own technique—oh, let's be honest and call it a ritual, shall we?—that I have elevated into a zen-like state of meditation.

The past week has afforded me the opportunity to get in touch with that state of inner laundered peace, as I've had my last week off from work as part of my college's holiday break, and Amy's been taking care of her mother, who has been ill in the hospital. I wanted to help her out by helping keep up with things in the house, and while I loathe most household chores, I find peace in a basket of clean laundry.

The meditative process begins with the basket or the hamper, which is chaos. Order must be sorted out of this chaos. Whites are separated first, followed by grays and khakis. Next comes dark colors, which are blues and purples for me, then bright colors, finally concluding with reds. Denim jeans and towels are separated into their own piles, forbidden to mix with the other clothes.

We next approach the washer. I have discovered laundry pods, pre-measured gel packets of detergent ready to toss in the washer. These are ingenious and should always be used instead of sticky liquids or dusty powders. Whites and towels are washed in hot water. I still like bleach with my whites. Everything else can be washed in cold water. The hot and the cold are the yin and the yang, the balance of all things.

When the load is finished, it goes into the dryer, making the transition from cold and wet to warm and dry, a perfect metaphor for how we move through this life. Dryer sheets are a necessity, and never forget to empty the lint trap. We should never forget that inner peace often comes at a messy price. We reload the washer with the next group of clothes, moving in the same order as we sorted them.

When the dryer is done, we experience the joy of warm, dry, freshly scented clothing. Folding is where we achieve the full consciousness of inner peace, making sure that each similar item is folded the same way, precisely, exactly, with no edges or corners out of place. Only the most advanced should attempt fitted bed sheets, however.

The joy of the process is short-lived, however, as one must put away all the laundry or risk the painful reality of a basket filled with clean laundry taking up unnecessary space on the bed, in the closet, or worst of all, at the foot of the stairs...

It's All Just Games and Fun

Amy and I took a post-Christmas shopping trip to Jonesboro, Arkansas, to spend a little leftover Christmas money (I know, right?!). One of the stores at the mall features calendars, jigsaw puzzles, and party games, and everything on hand was 50 percent off, so I bought three new party games. We love games in the Sanders house, and we also belong to a church group that has game night once a month, so the new additions will come in handy.

My new purchases were a six-in-one Party Charades game, a category matching game called "Tension," which is similar to the eighties game "Outburst," and a crazy party game called "Furt," which would take an entire blog entry to explain. Suffice to say the kids and I test-drove "Furt" Monday night, and it got the seal of approval from everyone.

This led me to think about what my top ten board games of all time list would be. I eliminated some of the more obvious choices like Monopoly (too vicious), Clue (boring), Scrabble (super-boring), and Risk (takes too long). My top ten is based on a combination of fun, challenging, and entertaining. Feel free to list some of your own favorites in the comments here or on Facebook.
 
10. Pente
A mainstay of college dorm study breaks at Mizzou, this simple game is similar to "Go," which experts say is the oldest human game in existence. The goal is simple: get five stones in a row or capture five pairs of stones from your opponent. We wasted hours of time that we should have been studying playing this game instead.


9. Mouse Trap
There's not a single one of you who grew up in the 1970s who didn't have this game. It was less of a game and more of an excuse to build the Rube Goldberg contraption that fell on the plastic mouse game piece. If your friends or siblings weren't around to play, you could just build it yourself.


8. Catan
A more recent addition, this deceptively simple game requires you to gather resources in order to build roads, settlements, and cities faster than your opponents, but you also can trade and collaborate with them to reach your goal. Since this game was featured on the 100th episode of "The Big Bang Theory," I can't play this game without thinking, "I have wood; I need sheep. Who has sheep for my wood?"


7. Taboo
One of the great 1980s-era party games, this game required you to get your team to guess a word on a card, but there were also five "taboo" words that you couldn't say to describe the word. For example, if the word was "hamburger," you couldn't use the words "beef, patty, bun, pickles, drive-thru" as part of your description. Just to make it more fun, your opponent, sitting next to you, had a buzzer to buzz you if you used a taboo word. Great game for making enemies out of friends.


6. Sorry!
The world's best game for torturing siblings, especially younger ones. Game play is remedial: you just flip a card and move the right number of spaces, but when you land on another player's space, you got to send them back to "Start"...and right into the grip of rage and insanity! Mwaa-haa-haa-haa!!!


5. Trivial Pursuit
The last time my family played this game with me, it was all of them (seven or eight people) against me by myself. Guess who won? To this day, this game is forbidden at family gatherings.


4. Pictionary
Drawing games have become a common activity in many other party games, such as "Cranium" (probably 11 or 12 on an expanded list for me) and my new "Furt" purchase, so it's easy to forget the perfection of the original. I prefer to play on twin whiteboards like Burt Reynolds' "Win, Lose, or Draw" game show, but the principle is still the same.


3. Dominion
A strategic card game set in a medieval kingdom, this game was introduced to me in the aforementioned church game group, and I was hooked from the beginning. The brilliant part is that you can mix and match the card groupings each time you play, making the game different every time. You have to think in terms of both short-term gains as well as long-term strategy. I could play this game in a 72-hour marathon without hesitation.


2. Dark Tower
A birthday present in 1981 (my 13th), this condensed take on "Dungeons & Dragons" featured board play spaces with an electronic tower in the middle of the game that acted as the digital dungeon master, determining the outcome of battles, haggling for goods, and final victory. Good luck finding a working version of this game; if you can even find it on eBay, prices start around $300. Why no one has updated this game today is a mystery to me.


1. Catchphrase
The party game of choice both in our house and among most of our friends, Catchphrase combines the skill of "Password"—the game gives you a word in a simple LED readout, and you have to get your team to guess the word without using any part of it—with the random frustration of "Hot Potato." The game has a beeping timer, and if your team is caught with the device when the timer goes off, the other team gets a point. We almost always play Men vs. Women, and as the years have gone by, the fun hasn't diminished one little bit.